A letter to schools from a Mum of a neuro spicy child
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I have been going into schools for nearly 15 years and can still probably count on only one hand those that have really stood out as being fantastic at fully understanding and supporting neurodivergence and behaviour. Pretty shocking really!
To those few schools, keep up the good work. These schools do the research, the training, seek out and take on advice from the relevant professionals and most importantly listen to parents about their kids' needs. The kids (and parents) are very lucky to have you on their side and you are helping them be the best versions of themselves. Which is what every child deserves isn't it?
To the MANY other schools, this letter is for you…
Dear teacher,
I am writing to express my concern regarding some of the behavioural management strategies being used with my neurodivergent child. I understand the challenges that can arise in a classroom setting, but I am deeply worried about the impact that frequent reprimands such as the removal of break times, negative visuals like being put “on a black cloud” or “sad face” and time-outs are having on them, both academically and emotionally.
Firstly, I am concerned about the emotional impact repeated reprimands are having on my child. Children with ADHD and ASD often struggle to understand why they are being disciplined - they have little foresight and so cannot fully understand consequences - which can lead to feelings of frustration, anxiety, and low self-esteem. My child often does not understand the “poor choices” they have made that have led to the sanction, as they likely won’t have made these intentionally. I am worried that this could have long-term negative effects on their confidence and mental well-being.
It is well known that children with ADHD and ASD often struggle with focus and self-regulation, particularly during prolonged periods of attention. For these children, break times are not just a leisure activity; they are an essential opportunity for them to reset and manage sensory overload. When break time is removed as a punishment, we notice an increase in their frustration, which often leads to a worsening of the very behaviours the punishment is meant to address. Research also shows that physical activity, which usually happens during break times, is incredibly beneficial for these children (and all children for that matter). It helps improve their focus, reduces hyperactivity, and boosts engagement in the classroom. When this vital time is taken away, it hinders their ability to succeed in the tasks that follow, making it harder for them to meet the expectations placed on them.
I would also like to highlight that punitive measures, such as reprimands or the removal of privileges, are generally less effective for children with ADHD and ASD. A more productive approach is positive reinforcement, where desirable behaviours are rewarded.
My child needs a tailored behavioural support plan that considers their specific needs. Tools such as visual schedules, sensory breaks, sensory tools or a quiet space to retreat to when overwhelmed could make a huge difference. Staff working with my child need to have an understanding of neurodivergence and understand the difference between dysregulation and “bad behaviour”.
I kindly ask that teaching staff be given more training on how best to support children like mine in the classroom. I kindly ask that staff work closely with parents to better understand the specific needs of our children, as no one child is the same. I kindly ask that staff implement a more supportive approach to managing my child’s behaviour in school.
I am confident that with the right strategies in place, my child and others like them can thrive in a mainstream school environment.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Sincerely,
A frazzled Mummy